I've Been Thinking

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

We stand back in dismay and watch as those we love, make choices that baffle us; there is no frame of reference for their decisions. We, with a lifetime of experience, see the pitfalls up close and in the distance. We try to warn, caution and gently advise, but all to no avail.
My therapist says we all have journeys to travel. Those we care for will make mistakes; but, oh how we wish they did not do so. The path is fraught, and deep hurts will be inevitable.
I mourn. I grieve. There is no way to stop the train hurtling towards them; no way to yank them off of the tracks. Even if it was possible, it’s not what they want so resistance would be unavoidable.

So, I must again, let go. How many times do I surrender, how many times turn to God and plead for the well-being of those who are on my heart; acknowledge that He is in control and I am not?  I chafe against free-will, so much pain and suffering endured because of negative choices and bad judgment. Would I want to lose my free-will? No. Do I want a world with less evil or tragedy? Definitely.
I cannot have it both ways. Our Pastor reminded us on Sunday that the end is Resurrection – when all that is wrong will be right. The Resurrection is hope: no more sorrow, or sickness, or death or pain of any kind.
I try to sort it out.
So, I ponder this: who would I be without my mistakes, failures and poor choices? All that has happened has shaped and formed the woman I have become. In part, it is precisely because of those adverse decisions that I yearn to point out the pitfalls, and the peril ahead.
From all I have been through I have become wiser, softer, more compassionate, I have “learned my lesson,” or lessons. And the learning is not yet over, so much to discover, so many adjustments to make! It seems, however, that experience does not garner enthusiasm or respect.
I stop, close my eyes, think back. In retrospect, I did not believe what my parent’s or others offered me was wisdom. It was only time and growing maturity that made me view their input as wise at all. Until that point, I figured I knew better. What did they really know, anyway?
How many times do I have to let go, release, and surrender those I love to their choices, and thus their own consequences? As many times as it takes. Over and over again.
How many times must I turn from my anxiety, worry and care? As many times as it takes. Over and over again. I, “{cast} all my cares upon Him, for He cares for me.” (1 Pet. 5:7)
How many times do I turn to Him, the Alpha and the Omega, remembering once more, that He knows the end from the beginning? How many times whisper? “He holds those I love in His Almighty, Sovereign hands; He loves them, and watches over them.” I know too that there are no guaranteed outcomes, free-will, is just that, free. Yet I know, and I believe I can trust Him to be an ever-present help in time of need. I do this too as many times as it takes. Over and over again.And,I remember this prayer: 

Serenity, courage, wisdom. Words to live by.



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