I've Been Thinking / Spirituality

Making friends with uncertainty…

For much of my life I have wanted to know, “What will happen next?” “Is there a happy ending or a sad one?” “Do you know how to get there, did you check the maps or Google it?” Generally, I dislike change and uncertainty; I want to feel safe. Surprises and spontaneity are great, I love laughter and fun as much as anybody. But, I like predictability too. Don’t leave me hanging.

What is the ending?

If our family is watching a movie together, and it gets too intense, I have to know, how does it end? If I can Google the movie and find out the end, then I can bear to continue watching. Even if it is a sad/bad ending, I cope better if I know. Take the suspense out, and I am fine.

Deeper dependence

But, Dr. Alicia Britt Chole in her series on Lent, based on her book, “40 Days of Decrease,” gently challenges us with this statement:  “Let the unknown forge a deeper dependence upon your God.”

Yikes! But, God, I want to know! How does this turn out? Will ___ (fill in the blank – what do you long to know, need assurance about), be okay?

Uncertainty

Can I make friends with uncertainty, leave room for the unknown? Will I turn from wanting to know – to trusting Him who holds the unknown in His hands?

He knows the end from the beginning; He is the Alpha and Omega. Do I allow this unknown, this uncertainty, to create in me a deeper dependence upon my God?

If I approach the unknown with curiosity, I leech the fear of uncertainty; it drains slowly away. But, if it is a possible negative outcome; I am less able to surrender my need to know. Whom am I trusting anyway? Do I trust myself, in my finite, limited abilities to figure it out, make sense of it all? When I am flummoxed, lost, confused and desperately want answers, am I able to hold the answers lightly?

Upside down

I remind myself once again this is the upside down Kingdom. Weakness turns out to be strength. Being Captains of our own souls doesn’t work so well. Dependence upon God can be a beautiful thing – it is not to be feared. It is at the same time both humbling and freeing. As if you were walking in a dark closed off room, now you can twirl and dance in the open meadow. It’s letting go. It’s not up to us. We cannot control others; either their actions or inaction. 

Trust and befriend

As I practice this, eventually, trust may be more natural, less of a struggle. Always remember too, it is about progress not perfection. You’ve heard this from me before, and that’s because I tend to forget it, and too often. So, yes, it’s progress not perfection.

This is my goal – befriend uncertainty, let the fire of uncertainty forge the iron of my dependence upon God.
Walk with me? Can we do this together? 

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