I've Been Thinking

Did we consider our dreams?

When we were young and longing for our children to be born: for those sweet baby powder newborns placed in our arms by grace;
did we consider our dreams for them?



Was it the laughter and giggles and kisses on chubby cheeks? And then they grow, become stellar students, graduate, find a meaningful career and loving life-partner.  Perfect, no, but wonderful. Or so we think.



Sasha, our dog, me, Leanne and Geoff

 Elisabeth (cousin) and Geoff

Could we envision disabilities, surgeries, or accidents; rebellion, sudden death or dread disease? Did we foresee addictions, tragedies or lying awake nights in terror?

Seana (cousin) and Leanne

Is that what we were picturing as we rocked them, crooning love songs in their tiny ears? 
What could affect us more than the love of our children; we pace the floor, heart split open in supplications, pleading in prayer for mercy, for help, and guidance? Do you remember the blistering anguish when they suffered? The lilting joy when they succeeded or overcame an obstacle. Can you sense the fissure of fear or the thrill of pondering their future? 
In my girlhood longing to be a mother and during the fire of infertility when I married; I did not realize parenting calls for the most searing emotion and the fierceness of a mother bear.
There was no way to conceive of the dreadful courage upon which I would have to call. Nor reckon that nights lose their peace and that sleep refuses to come. Or the appointments at the doctor’s offices; and the anguished calls to a therapist. I had no clue.
Here is what I discovered: being a parent calls for unspeakable bravery and tenacity. And love never concedes defeat. It keeps on asking, seeking, knocking. 
Love wills persistence and endurance. 
Love will not stop. Not. Ever.
Until my last breath and beyond, love continues. This love, imperfect as it may be, it breathes out hope – hope that will not cease.
It is my calling.

I am grateful that my children are doing relatively well. We’ve had harrowing days in the past. And the future holds many unknowns. Yet, we are determined to entrust the unknown to our Omniscient, Loving, Heavenly Father.

 Leanne, Geoff, Leah, Sabina – Christmas 

Leanne, Me, Geoff  – Mother’s Day



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